'Member When?

My son is big time into story telling now, which is lots of fun. Today while we were driving home he piped up with this one.

TOMMY: Mommy, I'm going to tell you a story about milk. Want me to tell you a story about milk? Here's a story about milk. Once upon a time there was this big glass of milk who WORE RED SHOES.

(long pause)

ME: What was the milk's name, Tommy? (I mean, I needed to know more about this milk with the red shoes.)

TOMMY: His name waaaaas Diiideeeeeeeedoooowwwww.

(bursts into a rendition of BINGO.)

This is the longest original narrative I've heard from Tommy. Normally his stories are (amazingly accurate) recollections of brief images and memories. One of my favorites is: "Mommy, you member that time your toes took a bath with Aunt Annie?" This is, of course, about the time I got a pedicure with my sister-in-law.

And then there is: "Mommy, you member the time at the chicken nugget store when I had the teddy bear poopie?"

This one may need some explaining.

Pretty much any fast food place that has chicken nuggets is the chicken nugget store, although this particular time it was Chic-fil-A. We like that store because they have the indoor playground and it's right by a Get-Go, so you know, cheap gas. Chic-fil-A does have the worst toys for little kids. I suppose they are meant to be educational, but really, a flip book full of fun historical presidential facts (with First Lady trivia as a bonus!) is a bit astute for my three year old. He said "What do I do with this?" and chucked it like the Ralphie and Randy chucked their Christmas socks.

Half way through the chicken nuggets, Tommy has to go to the bathroom. As he is recently potty trained, a trip to the bathroom is an event worthy of fan fare. After a lengthy explanation as to why Mommy can't go into the boy's room, he follows me into the girls room and starts to do his business. Lately, he's into his privacy and makes me wait outside the stall.

"Mommy! Come look."

'Kay...

"Mommy. Look. I pooped a teddy bear."

Lord help me if that poop didn't look like a Teddy Graham. My kid is so damn cute he even poops cute.

Of course now every time we're in a public bathroom my cute kid yells at the top of his lungs: "MOMMY I POOPED ANOTHER TEDDY BEAR, COME LOOK!" And I cringe because I just know the other moms are thinking what is she teaching him!

'Tis the Season To Be Merry*

I'm pretty much done with my Christmas shopping. Not trying to gloat here, it's just that I have to start really early or else the holiday goes whooshing past in a tumbleweed of gift receipts, postage stamps and curling ribbon. I like to reserve the week before Christmas to bake, watch Christmas Vacation* repeatedly, and check out neighborhood light displays. Doesn't always work out that way, but this year I'm ahead of the game.

Online shopping has made it much easier for me. I worked retail for years and have grown to hate the frantic and desperate last minute shoppers. They shop less with "the spirit of giving" and more with the spirit of "Holy crap I have to drop a whole bunch of money RIGHT NOW or else Christmas is ruined for everyone!" I started online shopping to avoid the teeming hoards of mall zombies, but now I shop online because I can spend more time finding things that I think people will actually use / like / not return on Boxing Day.

I've hit Etsy up pretty hard this year. Etsy's a great site where you can buy unique, crafty items instead of trying to make them yourself and failing miserably. And it's set up with shops that make sense to me, like "Geekery", where you can pick up this "not right" Nativity scene. A lot of the vendors at the recent Handmade Arcade also sell on Etsy, including this talented soap maker. I recommend the oatmeal bars. Smell good enough to eat. And since they are organic, they probably won't give you SOAP POISONING. (This blogger is not liable for any ailments caused by soap ingesting.)

Another great site for the quirky, one-of-a-kind gift items you won't find at the mall is Archie McPhee. It is the premier establishment for procuring all your meat product-related gift items and religious action figures. I personally hope to find a yodeling pickle in my stocking this year.

This article on MSN Money introduced me to the Purseket, which I think must be the best gift idea ever for the organizationally challenged like myself. I caused a small flurry when I forwarded the link to the women in my office, and my mom was all over it like reindeer poop on Santa's boot. It's so awesome I'm surprised it's not on Etsy. Oh, wait. It is.

428,348 People, Including my Father, Saw This Video Before Me

Granted, Dad's and insider, but sheesh. I bring you nothing but the cutting edge, folks. This video makes me laugh out loud and also drives home exactly why the writer's guild is striking. Let's all hope they reach a resolution soon, as I've now caught up on my TiVo backlog. (Although we can all enjoy ABC Family's 25 Days of Christmas!)