Trip to CVS
I had been having some intestinal distress for the last week, so I went to CVS to to buy a First Response to rule out possible pregnancy. It's so strange. I remember being at Penn State and going in for a check up at University Health. It didn't matter if you came in bleeding from your eyeball, they'd always ask "Do you think you might be pregnant?" Now I feel like I'm doing the same thing to myself. If you read the content in any "Could I Be Pregnant?" web article, or take any quiz, every symptom could mean a possible pregnancy. Gums bleeding? Breath unusually bad? You could be pregnant. Or a redneck, I'm not quite sure how that goes.

Still Cheaper than a Baby, Right?
I am not pregnant, according to the pee stick, if anyone is keeping score. I am on my last pack of pills, however, which means I had to purchase some "alternative methods of birth control." I haven't bought condoms in almost five years, and was unpleasantly surprised to learn that Trojans at CVS cost $4.99 for a THREE PACK. With tax, that's a buck-seventy-eight a pop, literally. And we're planning on 3 months of this. So that's, what, like, $14,000.

So Confused
I also bought some prenatal vitamins, which my doctor recommended I start taking 3-6 months before conception. They say right on the lable: "PRENATAL VITAMINS WITH MINERALS. DIETARY SUPPLEMENT for pregnant or lactating women." Then over on the left of the label, next to the supplement facts, there is a little disclaimer that says, "If you are pregnant or nursing a baby [layman's talk for 'lactating'], ask a doctor before using this product." Hrrrmmm.

Somewhat Disturbing
While I was shopping for my pregnancy test, condoms, and prenatal vitamins (covering all bases), there was a 70 year old man next to me picking out a "personal lubricant" for his girlfriend. Now I'm pleased as punch that he's still kickin' it at 70. I hope we all are. But it was still somewhat disturbing watching him mull over the differences between jelly and liquid. [Shiver.]

A Special Message
You all mean so much to me, that I left you a special message. Enjoy.