Why Must You Make My Life So Difficult?

Dear Sprint,

This month I'm writing you a check and sending it via U.S. Mail to your general P.O. Box in Dallas. You probably won't ask why because you have no interest in my satisfaction, but let me just say that your web payment system blows monkey balls. Apparently during the beginning of the busy holiday season you prompted me to sign up for an account PIN, "to enhance account protection." I know that I signed up for my account number because I diligently saved this email from you:

This letter is to inform you that Sprint has completed the following transactions:

Nov 19, 2007 at 12:10 pm(CST) - A PIN was created for the account

Nov 19, 2007 at 12:10 pm(CST) - The Security Question and Answer on the account were updated

Of course the really important bit of information that's missing from this email is the PIN number. There is no way in hell I'm ever going to remember a "6- to 10-digit numeric" PIN, unless it's my social security number, and everybody knows you don't use your SSN for a PIN. Why wouldn't you have included my PIN in my PIN creation verification email?

OK - full disclosure - I might have forgotten my password as well. And while your website does give me the option to retrieve my password, I need my PIN to do it. No PIN, no password, no password, no PIN. Ever hear of a catch-22? You've got a doozy of one on your website.

So I thought, "I give up, I'll pay by phone." I dialed, followed the voice prompts, which, by the way, included, "Would you like to pay with the account we have *on file* ending in xxxx?"

Aha - the system recognized me. I pressed 1 for "yes."

"Please enter your PIN number for payment verification."

Sprint....DAMMIT!!

0#0#0#

Your Customer Service department in Dubai was happy to take my call. I apologize if I was snippy, but the conversation went something like this:

Me: Look. All I want to do is give you people my money. Why won't you take it?

CS: Ma'am we need your PIN number or password.

Me: I don't have my PIN number or password, that is why I am talking to Customer Service. Let's find another solution. Aren't there other questions you can ask my to verify my identity? Like my secret question and my secret answer? I know my secret answer. [Actually, I probably *don't* since you also changed that on Nov 19.]

CS: No, we need the PIN.

Me: I don't HAVE a PIN. How do I GET a PIN?

CS: Please visit any Sprint store during normal business hours and bring *two forms of ID* with you to set up a PIN.

Me: You've got to be kidding me.

CS: No Ma'am. Now if you stay on the line I will be happy to take your one-time payment via credit card. Transaction time will be 24 hours.

Me: Forget it. I am writing a check; it will be far more convenient. Thank you for your assistance.

Sprint, your website failed me, and your crack customer service department failed me. I am sorely disappointed, but I can't say I'm surprised.

I Remain,

Your Reluctant Customer Only Because Verizon Wireless Sucks Gorilla Balls

P.S. I can't believe I wasted one of my Louis Comfort Tiffany stamps on you.