Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Cheeky Wee Monkeys

My posts are few and far between these days. I will blame it partly on the "short post" I started in January about my bouts with positional vertigo, which soon turned into an epic novel and still sits in my drafts folder. Long story short: sometimes I get dizzy for no reason that my doctors can figure out. Pretending that I'm not dizzy by using self-talk "you're not dizzy, you're not dizzy, you're not dizzy" seems to help with the vertigo, but now people think I am crazy. Particularly when they share elevators with me, or sit next to me in my car.

I will also blame my lack of posts on my short affair with MySpace. I found out that a friend of mine had a site, so I figured it couldn't be all bad. But it's bad. You set up your profile quickly and then spend the rest of your time searching for old boyfriends and people you hate. Then you check out the local Pittsburgh bands and wonder why you never get out anymore. Soon it is 2 AM on a work night and you swear you will never visit MySpace again. But you do. And then you're depressed that your only friend is Tom. Sigh.

But really the biggest reason I haven't posted in a while is my crippling addiction to television, both of the YouTubed and TiVo'd varieties. Net neutrality...Ted I just peed a little. And I love the Late Late Show, partly because they get great bands on that show, but mostly because I have a giant girly crush on Craig Ferguson. Ah Craig, you can whip me anytime. And your book only made me fall harder for you. A beautifully absurd non-linear masterpiece. You knocked Chabon out of my number one spot, at least for the time being.

Most of the time I'm watching Sesame Street. We put it on between 6&7 to occupy Tommy long enough for us to shovel food into our mouths. It is amazing how he will sit still and watch the whole episode. He doesn't sit still for anything, particulary if it involves a diaper or shoes. He's particularly enamored with Elmo, and, just like his mom, Cookie Monster . It is a bit strange watching Sesame Street now, especially when the old funkified 70's episodes--when Mr. Hooper was still alive and the pie man scared the shit out of me--are still fresh in my memory. You used to be able to catch old episodes on Noggin called Sesame Street Unpaved -- I'd tune into that a lot after late party nights -- but now it's the new version or nothing. The new Sesame Street does have "Journey to Ernie" and "Elmo's World," which I love because my son loves them. But a lot of the old animations and songs have been canned. What happened to the "Ladybug's Picnic"? What happened to "Everybody Sleeps"? Anybody seen the "One two three FOUR FIVE six SEVEN eight nine ten ELEVEN TWELVE" pinball madness lately??

What about "Who Are the People in Your Neighborhood"? What happened to that song? I'll tell you what happened to that song. Suburban sprawl in Corporate America. I tried singing that song to Tom in the car and couldn't think of one damn person that he would meet, walking down the street. You know, the people that he'd meet each day. Let's see: Milkman? Nope. Grocer? Nope. Dentist? He's in the giant mall complex 3 miles away. Possibly mailman, although he usually ignores us when we say hi. Possibly the UPS guy, but there's a new one every delivery. And "NYU Student on Spring Break Selling Book Subscriptions," or "Clean Water Action Solicitor" or "Religious Zealots Intent on Conversion" don't really follow the spirit of the song.

Now we stick to "Wheels on the Bus" so Mommy doesn't go all histrianic while she's driving. Histrianics and position vertigo while driving....I'd recommed you stay at least 150 feet behind he Hyundai.

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